as time passes....

the more I realize that I never really existed to you, the more I realize that I've probably been irreparably erased from your memory. No matter how much I would have liked to continue to be your friend, I don't think you want it and I don't think you care. You haven't showed me that you care, you don't talk to me... so far it's been me making the effort.. you told me that you wanted to stay friends and I guess I was too stupid to see that it really was a line. When people try to stay friends with you, you go with it and try to make it work. How do you know it won't unless you've tried? I've tried and I've realized that although I try, you might not and that's definitely not my fault. I'm GLAD I tried cause now I have no regrets... the only thing I can say is that I feel sorry that you didn't seize an opportunity to really get to know me. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out, but how would u know unless you've tried? One thing that I've learned through life is that unless you take every opportunity you've had, you can't learn. I'm sure you've learned a lot, but u can always learn more. We're born to learn... what would be life without learning? It wouldn't really be living would it?

So this is what I've learned through every experience I've had this summer:
1) 1st breakup

Being dumped an heart broken might be a brutal experience, but if you haven't been through it, you don't know the capabilities of love. It can tear you apart and yet when in the moment, it's like reality is finally better than dreaming... perhaps I didn't love... what is love? but I believe I did cause the pain was like nothing I've ever felt before... I finally understand why people who fight a lot cause still ove one another... it's cause they get each other and yet they don't really. They want to so bad cause if they do, then it makes life so much easier. But then is easy love... really love? I thought you were supposed to put effort into making it work with someone.... they say it's hard and I finally understand y. It's cause when you find it... or at least you think you've found it, you want to do everything to hold on to it and when something's outta your control, it's harder to hold on. It's such a fragile thing and yet it's so strong.

When tragic things like this happen, you lose one person, but guess what? You gain so many more. I've become so close to some people who I only saw as friends before. They've become my best friends through this experience. They'll tell you things you wanna hear and some that you don't. When they tell you the things you don't, you know that they're the cream of the crop (well at least as far as friends are concerned =P).

I've also learned that when you try at something, you may not always get it right the first time and if you do, good for you. But guess what? the next guy I meet will be ten times better than the first and I'll know what I want. People always say concentrate on the good but if there's no bad, then what makes the good stuff good? Thanks for being the bad... cause you just made the next guy that comes along so much better. =P I've learned to focus on the good and there's so many positives in my life right now they don't fit on my ten fingers and I highly doubt that they'll fit if I add in my toes =P.
1) A 3rd year of uni to look forward to
2) A wonerful family (although they get on my nerves at times, they are family and I don't know what I'd do without them)
3) Amazing friends... you know who you are
4) Amazing jobs
5) Family vacations
6) Celebrating all the small things with friends (that makes for a lot of celebrations and happy moments)
7) Making my own money
8) Parents acceptance that I've chosen marketings
9) Amazing increase in confidence right before the crucial year begins
10) New experiences

2) First uni history course

I've reconnected with my love for history and my writing abilities. I never thought I'd get a higher mark in history than a management course, but I did and that just proves that I can do anything. I've learned new things and I've met new people. I've finally been in a uni class where I was one of the few asian people and I've realized that outside of commerce, there's a whole other world... not like I didn't know that before, but I forgot about it.

3) First potential job

I've realized the secrets to selling something and I'm actually quite amazed. Having my morals and values questioned and at stake was not a comfortable experience, but it was an experience I had to have.

4) Jobs

I've finally figured out that hard work it takes to earn money and how much dedication and time it takes. I've started to learn to not take it for grated and be grateful that I have all the things I want and I live comfortably, not having to worry about my future. I've positive I can make it in the world and there's great things waiting for me. I've had a HUGE boost in confidence and it's more than I could ask for in one summer, let alone in a week. I've learned that I can approach almost anyone and accept rejection very well. There are different types of rejection, but I've learned to do it on a professional level. The secret? When rejected, shrug it off cause it's only a matter of time when you face acceptance and it blows all the rejection out the window. I was rejected by so many people, but one that one client came along, I had a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the day =D.

5) Late night movie with a friend

Sex and the City. All I can say is... trust... love.... life.... friends.

They say you should always make the first move.

You might not be able to rely on others now as much as you want. It seems that just as things begin to get serious, the other person does a disappearing act. Ultimately, someone else's instability may be a reflection of your unwillingness to partake in an unhealthy relationship. Still, you don't need to make anyone else do your bidding. Be the lightning instead of waiting to be struck by.

I've made the first move and now I'm choosing not to make anymore. I'm not gonna wait to be struck by the lightning either cause I don't know if I can look at you. If the lightning was other stuff like a juicy bag or designer clothes... I wouldn't mind =P lol.

So "One Step at a Time" by Jordin Sparks pretty much sums up the entry.

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

Just to believe in yourself and take it one step at a time... don't rush anything... enjoy the good while it lasts and you can always change the bad into good if you take the time.