been a while....

It's been a while... much has changed...
Exams are finally over, thank god for that, but now I have summer school...first course in European history =P
All that wonderful stuff is finally over (my relationship... is over)
Funny, cause I never really thought that it would end... everything seemed so perfect, but I guess I should have seen it coming. Apparently "we think too differently", "I'm too dependent on my parents", "he can't get over the past".
There were so many promises broken and so many lies told... I have a trusting issue and I finally thought I met someone I could finally trust.. honestly. I guess not...
My friend said something really recently... actually, it was just today "people never change coz somewhere in their present, the past gets in the way." I agree. I don't need someone slowing me down. I guess there's always going to be things left unanswered, but there's always the future to look towards... so I shouldn't dwell too much.
Yet I can't help but wonder how much of it was a lie... a facade?
I've shed so many tears over this issue... I still feel like I want to cry, but I can't cause I have no tears left. All I feel now is pain... the pain of not knowing, of feeling empty, of feeling like I have no control over anything anymore.
I just can't believe for once I put my heart in a vulnerable position and so much pain resulted from it.... never again, cause nothing's worth this pain... NOTHING!
One thing I can honestly thank him for is the fact that he made me feel special, made me feel that I was worth it.. if only for a short period of time... and another thing, making me remember that things are never what they seem and that I should never put my heart in such a vulnerable position. The wall is almost patched.. I can feel it.
I haven't been feeling like eating for the past couple days... perfect opportunity for losing weight... maybe now I can control something...
Everywhere I go I'm reminded of you... everywhere I go I remember something you said to me... something sweet... yet I hate it for causing the pain.
On a final, happy note, I have to thank my friends for being there for me. I feel like I've lost a "friend", but gotten closer to so many other people...
This whole experience has made me realize the importance of my family and friendships. I know there are certain things with which this cannot compare.... if I could stay strong when faced with those issues, this is nothing.
All I need now is TIME... time to HEAL, time to forgive and FORGET.